Unlocking Your Meta-Values to Transform Your Life Choices and Identity
- Ben Getley
- 5 days ago
- 4 min read
Have you ever wondered why some decisions feel natural while others leave you stuck or conflicted? Why do certain patterns keep repeating in your life, even when you want to change? The answer often lies beneath the surface, in what are called meta-values. These deep, foundational values shape your identity, your purpose, and the direction you take in life—often without you realising it.
This post explores meta-values, the big drivers behind your choices and behaviours. Understanding them can bring clarity to your decisions, help you break unhelpful patterns, and guide you toward a more fulfilling life.
🎙️ Prefer to listen?
I explore this topic in depth in this week’s episode of The Uncovered Self.
What Are Meta-Values?
Meta-values are the core principles that influence everything you do. They are not just preferences or goals; they are the identity-level values that form the foundation of your internal value system. These values guide:
What you prioritise in life
What you are willing to sacrifice for
What energises or drains you
What you feel drawn to or responsible for
What triggers feelings of guilt or pride
Think of meta-values as the “big chunks” that everything else in your life builds upon. They are often unconscious, but they shape your behaviour and decisions in powerful ways.
Examples of Meta-Values
Some common meta-values include:
Finance
Career
Relationships
Health
Family
Growth
Contribution
Purpose
Spirituality
These values are not just about what you like or want; they define who you are at a fundamental level.
Why Meta-Values Matter
Understanding your meta-values gives you insight into the why behind your life. When you know your core drivers, you can explain:
Why some decisions feel easy and others feel impossible
Why certain activities energise you while others leave you exhausted
Why you feel fulfilled in some areas but stuck in others
Why you behave the way you do under stress
Why you repeat certain patterns despite wanting change
Why you feel pulled in specific directions
For example, If your meta‑value is family, you’ll naturally make choices that protect connection, belonging, and togetherness. A job that keeps you away from home might feel misaligned, even if it looks “good on paper.”
Knowing your meta-values helps you make choices aligned with your true self, reducing inner conflict and increasing satisfaction.
Meta-Values Versus Experiential Values
It’s important to distinguish meta-values from experiential values. While meta-values are the deep, overarching drivers, experiential values relate to how you want to feel in the moment. Experiential values include feelings like:
Excitement
Peace
Joy
Comfort
Challenge
For example, your meta-value might be growth, but your experiential value could be comfort. This difference explains why you might feel torn between pushing yourself to learn new skills and wanting to relax after a long day.
Understanding both types of values helps you balance long-term purpose with short-term satisfaction.
How to Identify Your Meta-Values
Discovering your meta-values takes reflection and honesty. Here are some practical steps:
Look at your decisions: Which choices felt right or wrong? What values were you honoring or ignoring?
Notice your energy: What activities leave you energised or drained? What values do those activities connect to?
Where do you spend your money: Where do you freely spend your money?
Identify recurring patterns: What behaviors or situations keep repeating? What values might be driving those patterns?
Ask yourself “why” repeatedly: For example, if you want to change careers, ask why multiple times to uncover the deeper value behind that desire.
Journaling or discussing these questions with a trusted friend or coach can help bring clarity.
Applying Meta-Values to Your Life
Once you identify your meta-values, you can use them to guide your life in practical ways:
Decision-making: Use your meta-values as a filter for choices. If a decision aligns with your core values, it’s more likely to feel right.
Goal setting: Set goals that reflect your meta-values, not just external expectations or trends.
Breaking patterns: Recognize when you act against your meta-values and explore why. This awareness can help you change unhelpful habits.
Managing stress: Understand how stress triggers behaviors linked to your meta-values and develop healthier responses.
Building relationships: Connect with people who share or respect your meta-values to deepen your sense of belonging.
For example, if contribution is a meta-value, volunteering or mentoring might bring deep fulfillment. If creativity is core, finding outlets for artistic expression can boost your well-being.
Real-Life Example: How Meta-Values Shape Choices
Consider Sarah, who always felt conflicted about her career in finance. She was successful but often felt drained and unfulfilled. After reflecting on her meta-values, she realised growth and contribution were most important to her. Her job offered growth but lacked a sense of contribution.
Understanding this helped Sarah explore new paths where she could use her skills to help others, such as nonprofit work or coaching. This shift aligned her daily actions with her meta-values, leading to greater satisfaction and energy.
Moving Forward with Meta-Values
Understanding your meta-values is a powerful step toward living authentically and making choices that truly fit who you are. It brings clarity to confusing feelings and repeated patterns, helping you break free from cycles that don’t serve you.
Start by reflecting on your own meta-values today. Notice how they influence your decisions and feelings. Use this insight to guide your next steps, whether that means changing habits, setting new goals, or simply gaining peace of mind.
Your meta-values are the foundation of your identity. When you unlock them, you unlock the power to transform your life.
And if something here resonates, you can download your free values starter kit below.
Tags: #SelfDiscovery #PersonalGrowth #EmotionalHealing #InnerChild #GoalSetting #Mindfulness #UncoveredSelf
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